Drive-Thrus.
Some people like 'em. Some hate 'em. I've lived in towns that didn't allow and other towns couldn't get enough of them. Whatever people think of them they're a pretty regular feature of American life to the point where few of us give it any thought.
One would think that the design of these things would be pretty standard given how long we've had to figure out how to make them work. Some places have two windows, some have one but other than that it's pretty uniform everywhere. Everywhere that is...except here.
St Bernard Parish has done the impossible and screwed up the previously unassailable drive-thru.
It all looks comfortably normal when you drive into the local McDonalds until you round the corner and the drive-thru splits into two lanes. No extra windows. No additional anything. Just the opportunity to play chicken with your fellow customers after you've placed your order when you merge back into one lane.
But that wasn't enough. Laudable as it was to throw sand into the gears of a corporate behemoth like McDonald's, the parish wasn't done. The Community Center of St Bernard became the latest subject for the great experiment in how to take something ordinary and useful and turn it into a complete mess when they required that we put in a drive-thru where none thought possible around the Community Center.
Now, the space between our building and the one next door is rather narrow. The fence that surrounds our property makes the entryway even narrower. It never occurred to anyone to pave around the building because nobody thought there was room enough. Undeterred, the parish made it a requirement. And who was to be the beneficiary? Food for Seniors!!!
That's right. The old folks who have enough trouble driving around without having to deal with an obstacle course got to be the inaugural users of this remarkable and previously unimaginable innovation. The man on the ride-along mower did pretty well but even he had to wait in the cold while we made sure everyone was who they said they were. Everyone else had to navigate with inches to spare. When three people scraped the sides of their cars the local police got involved and shut it down. What a relief. Now the Sheriff's men can try to convince their paymasters that this wasn't such a great idea after all.
What's in a (wrong) name?
All right. I admit it. Rastafarians Hair Club for Men might have lacked a promising market. And maybe Communist Coffee (we're all in this pot together) wasn't going to attract many American customers outside of maybe Cambridge, MA and San Francisco. I was never that optimistic about the Animist Gospel Choir so maybe it's better I didn't have children to serve as vehicles for names like Elvis, Roosevelt or Mojo (Moses Jones).
But try this on for size. I propose that Louisiana and Mississippi should trade names. The landmass of the present Louisiana is a creation of the Mississippi River. New Orleans is for better or worse America's principle ocean port on the Mississippi. Its culture, opportunity, success and failure are all tied to the river and its various forces.
Mississippi (the state) was once part of the French colony of Louisiana and celebrated Mardi Gras before New Orleans. Thereofre given its rank of dead last in income and education, the place could use an image boost. If Haley Barbour is serious about running for president in 2012, he should get his good-ol-boy self squarely behind this and make it happen. Who knows, it might even open the door for more states to improve their reputations among the country at large. Are New Yorkers too obnoxious for you? Poof!! Not any more, they traded names with Minnesota! Massachusetts too liberal? Poof!! Trade with Alabama!! Combine the names to ease the transition; New-sota, Massabama, Alachusetts. Better yet, still states could sell naming rights and reduce their debt. Foreign corporations? No problem. Texas would become Tsingdao-land and Oregon transform itself into Shenzen Partners Territory.
Oh the joy of thinking outside the box or in this case out of state.
But try this on for size. I propose that Louisiana and Mississippi should trade names. The landmass of the present Louisiana is a creation of the Mississippi River. New Orleans is for better or worse America's principle ocean port on the Mississippi. Its culture, opportunity, success and failure are all tied to the river and its various forces.
Mississippi (the state) was once part of the French colony of Louisiana and celebrated Mardi Gras before New Orleans. Thereofre given its rank of dead last in income and education, the place could use an image boost. If Haley Barbour is serious about running for president in 2012, he should get his good-ol-boy self squarely behind this and make it happen. Who knows, it might even open the door for more states to improve their reputations among the country at large. Are New Yorkers too obnoxious for you? Poof!! Not any more, they traded names with Minnesota! Massachusetts too liberal? Poof!! Trade with Alabama!! Combine the names to ease the transition; New-sota, Massabama, Alachusetts. Better yet, still states could sell naming rights and reduce their debt. Foreign corporations? No problem. Texas would become Tsingdao-land and Oregon transform itself into Shenzen Partners Territory.
Oh the joy of thinking outside the box or in this case out of state.
An Unexpected Send-Off
It was a day I wasn't really looking forward to. But as long as I kept busy I wouldn't dwell on it being my last day at the Community Center of St Bernard. I've become quite fond of the people there and it's something I will miss being part of.
The day got off to a pretty usual start, open up the food bay, roll the shelves out on to the floor, figure out what today's items and categories were going to be when some disturbing foreign objects started to appear in the middle of the room. A bottle of orange juice. Some napkins. A King Cake (a New Orleans tradition for the feast of the Three Kings). It finally began to dawn on me that something was up. The director finally said "you know you're not getting out of here without a little send-off".
Normally, I find these things a bit embarrassing. One has to be nice without any mental or emotional preparation. We had some new volunteers to behave in front of and try and include in all of this. But it was all very sweet. There was a gift bag with some funny gag gifts (as well as some useful ones), a framed certificate of appreciation, a card, the works. But what really meant the most was just having everyone together. A little food, a little fun and a chance to say goodbye.
The day got off to a pretty usual start, open up the food bay, roll the shelves out on to the floor, figure out what today's items and categories were going to be when some disturbing foreign objects started to appear in the middle of the room. A bottle of orange juice. Some napkins. A King Cake (a New Orleans tradition for the feast of the Three Kings). It finally began to dawn on me that something was up. The director finally said "you know you're not getting out of here without a little send-off".
Normally, I find these things a bit embarrassing. One has to be nice without any mental or emotional preparation. We had some new volunteers to behave in front of and try and include in all of this. But it was all very sweet. There was a gift bag with some funny gag gifts (as well as some useful ones), a framed certificate of appreciation, a card, the works. But what really meant the most was just having everyone together. A little food, a little fun and a chance to say goodbye.
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